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But my horny-handed son of the soil does not seem horny in any other respect. He claims that quite a lot of women make their sexual intentions clear in the first correspondence. One, who he didn't fancy at all, lunged at him in the car park as he beat a hasty retreat.

The lunch is delicious, the atmosphere romantic and we leave at sunset. Nevertheless, I trust that Muddy Farmer is going to be good with frightened animals.

I tell him how terrified I am about sleeping with someone. Hope you have your tranquilizers handy." We are definitely on, then.

Upping the ante, I send him a flirty text and invite myself to his house a couple of days later. A bottle of wine and two hours later, not so much as holding hands.

In a space already oversaturated with "heys" and low-stakes "lol sup" messages, coming up with the right thing to say on dating apps can be hard.

How do you start a chill conversation without overthinking things?

Thanks to a general rut with *looks at hand* "casual dating," I decided to let Carrie Bradshaw run my dating life for a day.

The rules were simple: I'd only talk to guys using the OG HBO queen's most iconic (or cringeworthy) lines. Much like the show's breaking of the fourth wall, there were inconsistencies.