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Instead of being the one doing the chasing, it’s time to play your guy at his own game and be the one playing hard to get.

Make sure they’re interested first Playing it cool with someone who isn’t interested in the first place is a waste of your time.

This is the core thinking of the partner who initiates hot/cold, and serves as their safety net to vulnerability. Because relationship uncertainty makes human beings yearn for stability.

Our automatic response is to chase when the "other" pulls away.

When you let your guard down and assume the best in a man, guess what happens? These are two key elements a man needs to feel in order to see you as the kind of woman he can have a lasting, connected relationship with.

One minute you're high on the warmth of their attention, the next minute you're frozen out and left wondering what happened. Whether you call it push/pull, on/off, or hot and cold, the end result is the same. Whether done consciously or unconsciously, this type of behavior activates longing and pursuit. If we don't understand the game of hot and cold, we can find ourselves pulled into a drama of confusion. Understanding this type of behavior is crucial even for those of you committed to not playing games.

This phase lures you into the hopes of the possibility of romance.

Contact is reciprocal, time is made to see each other, and forward movement is evident. The hot phase is designed to get you in the gate that leads to the corral, where you'll later be harnessed. Your partner begins to pull away making you long for their previous attention.

Or perhaps you automatically assume he must already be taken. You look away when he looks at you, you get busy in a conversation with someone when he approaches you, or you distract yourself with something right after you talk so he can’t see how nervous you feel.

You’ve had great conversation, some passionate kissing (maybe even a little bit more) and you want to see him again.

So how do you get him to stay interested in you at this early dating stage? What if he gets bored after a few weeks and moves on? It’s one thing to charm a guy for a couple of hours (or one night of fun), but keeping a guy interested for longer requires an understanding of what creates DEEP attraction.

Are you guilty of watching what you say to a man for fear of appearing “too forward?

” Christian Carter explains how you might be accidentally sabotaging your chances of meeting and getting together with a great, available guy…and what does work to capture his interest.